For Starters

There have been many times that I just wished I had somewhere to write, mostly because I have something to say about one subject or another. It doesn't really matter to me if anyone ever reads it or not, it's the idea that someone might read my words and think about my words that draws me. I've tried writing for myself and it never seems to satisfy, so I've started this blog in the hope that when I sit down to lay out thoughts, ideas, and revelations someone else might read them and be swayed by them. I also think it'll be a good outlet to try and figure out some of the more persistent problems in my life. The ones that I've often thought about trying to write out and figure out but never seem to have the time to work out.

One such problem that I've come to realize recently is the fact that my social mentality changes based on my location. When I'm in CO, I'm of a far more sociable mentality. I'm constantly thinking about who I can call to hang out, where I can go, what I can do and how I can foster and maintain the relationships that matter to me and I'd even go as far as to say, make new ones and watch them grow. The problem is that I don't spend enough time in CO for that to really be a productive use of my time. I can barely maintain the relationships I have here because I'm not here enough.

For some reason, I become a complete introvert when I get back on base. I don't try and meet new people, the people I do know I don't try and do things with. I don't seek out social events or try at all to be social. I live in my own little room and that's my place. I wouldn't say I'm happy there but I don't know why there's such a disparity in my thought process. Somehow I need to translate the mindset I have while in CO to base. Then perhaps I wouldn't view it as such a dull and uneventful place. Because the truth of the matter is, I'll be living there for at least a couple more years, and while I know I fear losing my roots in CO, my friends will always be there. There's no limit to the number of friends that one can have but I think I feel like if I make new friends on base then my other friends will fall by the wayside and I'll lose those great relationships that I've spent years cultivating.

I just need to push past that fear and start to place other roots in the place I now call home.

I wish it didn't feel like such a big obstacle.